The Journal

This will be the 1st of maybe many or maybe a few, but I decided that I shouldn't try and force myself not to talk about certain subjects.

Especially, when my mind wont let me think of anymore ideas or topics to talk about, lol so how about I just go with what I feel.

What Grinds My Beans!

So on this blog is a bit like my diary well its becoming a bit like my diary, haha Recently I went out with a few people who I am not that close with bt I am pretty cool with. I wont go into to much detail just in case they read this one posting, since some of them 

do know that I blog.

But I will say this do you not hate it when GIRLS....FEMALES want to low key not like you because they dont want anyone new in their circle. Like honestly, you act fake like you like me when we both know you really dont, you just putting up with me. Like no one else sees it but I'm the one who looks paranoid and crazy when I address what Im feeling to someone in the circle. 

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Like this was "seriously" a conversation:

Me: Hey soo does Kelly not like me or something?

Blake: What are you talking about? Haha, why would you say that?

Me: Umm, I dont kow its just a feekling I get when Im around her and the little things she does sometimes.

Blake: Like What?

Me: [o.O] shoot, I dont know. I cant think of any obvious ones right now! Bt she does some things that rub me the wrong way..then she gets this sarcastic attitude. Like I dont know if its the fact that, she thinks that the guy she likes, likes me. Or maybe that she doesn't like me for my likable character.

Blake: -___- Uhh, okay Marilyn having you been sniffing laundry detergent again?

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I mean like obviously I have,lol bt that's not the reason I said all of this. I mean sometimes we girls just have these feelings that are usually right. Like honestly this is the reason why I CHOOSE not to have many friends, like no lie. 

There was a time in school where I could hang out with a group of people or be invited to things but instead I chose to walk around campus by myself or hang out with my one and only trusted and loyal buddy. Like no one needs all that, no one needs to be surrounded by a ton of people that only brings drama.

But I mean I am not what so ever trying to take your friends from you or fit into your group.

YOUR friends invited me..you don't have to like me bt respect me and treat me as you would if you were in the position I was in..and I know a lot of chicks say this and some try and brag by also saying this, but...this is why I prefer to hang out with guys..

MALES...Drama Free, Homie! hahaha

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Lets Talk Being A Girl

Alright now I am...well used to be the definition of shy. I mean my face was right by the name in the dictionary.

Hahahha, there was a time in HS where

there was this fine and I mean FINE..you know compared to what any good looking young man in HS could be. He was a Junior while me and my friends were Sophmores, haha

He was also from New York, soo that was his code name whenever we would bring him up at school [or on the phone, my bestie's mom 

would sometimes listen to our convos], New York.

So anyway one day at school my lovely and still best friend to this day & other then friend decided to talk to him. So while they were flirting with this guy I was lagging behind them. Next thing I know he looked at me and I walked...mhmmm, okay let me be 

honest I ran and hid behind a wall.

You know the funny guy in Are We There Yet 2?

Or to put it better the scene where he walks like this...

That was me, its okay you can laugh..

Anyway I never had a great or total secure self-esteem.

So if a guy ever talked to me or thought I was cute, either he was not my type and I do mean NOT my type at all. Or I thought, it was a long shot for us to even be together, you know? Like I would think why would he like me..look at my other beautiful friends with confidence and beauty why me, is this a joke am I being led on?

At times I am still that quite, insecure girl when it comes to guys or just beauty as a whole. Maybe that's just part of being a

 girl...I dont know.

But this is a topic among a few others that I want to talk about with you guys. I want to read your comments and discuss subjects that you want to hear from me. Im up for anything this is my outlet...my online journal

We all have those moments in life where we want to just hide from the world, be alone and by ourselves for some time. For me the absolute only thing that helps is if I force tearsout, prayer and listening to artists whose song make me feel like I am not alone.

I want to post some artists & songs that currently emerges a smile on my face and makes me forget about moments in life that stresses me out.

Bea Miller

I remember watching this little one on 

X Factor and just thought, she is going to make a difference

she will be a artist with a message of inspiration and uniqueness.

NF

THIS IS ARTISTRY...NF is a Artist and I cant say that enough.

When I 1st heard "Wake Up" I fell for his music. I knew that he was someone

that I would be listening to for decades upon decades, continuously raging at his concerts with my great great grand kids.

But his song "Ill Keep On" is the one that speaks to my soul.

Especially being a person who believes in God but struggles each day.

Saying that you love HIM is different than actually showing and expressing your love for HIM through your everyday actions each day.

Hillsong Young & Free

This song reminds me that we are not how the world sees people 

who represents GOD & his LOVE. That we do rave, go out at night, have FUN, roam the city & have late night adventures. 

We just do it bit differently.

Haha and I seriously cant help but laugh each time I watch it.

THIS IS LIVING NOOWWW!!

Matt Kearney

Im ONE BLACK SHEEP *shrugs*

& there's nothing wrong with you!