1st Entry

This will be the 1st of maybe many or maybe a few, but I decided that I shouldn't try and force myself not to talk about certain subjects.

Especially, when my mind wont let me think of anymore ideas or topics to talk about, lol so how about I just go with the flow.

Lets Talk Being A Girl

Alright now I am...well used to be the definition of shy. I mean my face was right by the name in the dictionary.

Hahahha, there was a time in HS where

there was this fine and I mean FINE..you know compared to what any good looking young man in HS could be. He was a Junior while me and my friends were Sophmores, haha

He was also from New York, soo that was his code name whenever we would bring him up at school [or on the phone, my bestie's mom 

would sometimes listen to our convos], New York.

So anyway one day at school my lovely and still best friend to this day & other then friend decided to talk to him. So while they were flirting with this guy I was lagging behind them. Next thing I know he looked at me and I walked...mhmmm, okay let me be 

honest I ran and hid behind a wall.

You know the funny guy in Are We There Yet 2?

Or to put it better the scene where he walks like this...

That was me, its okay you can laugh..

Anyway I never had a great or total secure self-esteem.

So if a guy ever talked to me or thought I was cute, either he was not my type and I do mean NOT my type at all. Or I thought, it was a long shot for us to even be together, you know? Like I would think why would he like me..look at my other beautiful friends with confidence and beauty why me, is this a joke am I being led on?

At times I am still that quite, insecure girl when it comes to guys or just beauty as a whole. Maybe that's just part of being a

 girl...I dont know.

But this is a topic among a few others that I want to talk about with you guys. I want to read your comments and discuss subjects that you want to hear from me. Im up for anything this is my outlet...my online journal